Poetry Month, Day 22: Conundrum


Am I not dancing
Because I’m in pain,
Or am I in pain
Because I’m not dancing?
These are the questions I ponder
As I feel or fear
My art
Slipping away from me.
Should I push through the pain,
The exhaustion,
The simply not wanting to?
Or should I coast gently into the sunset
Of my disability?
For the first time in over sixteen years of effort,
The thought is strangely enticing.
The soft, slow drift of un-effort
The lambent caress of no-pain
The quietly darkening days
Until everything, everything
Reaches a slow tempo and quiet
Where I can live
Gentle is a word I crave
I hunger for gentle
As a child hungers for sweets.
I do not know if this
Is depression,
Or an acceptance of reality.
Sometimes hope is the delusion.

Copyright ©2015 C. Mitchell

Obviously, I’m a couple days behind. This poem explains why. :} I’m planning to catch up, although it may be after the month is up. I’m sticking with it!!


3 thoughts on “Poetry Month, Day 22: Conundrum

  1. I feel a kind of shift in my life, a greater longing not so much to do well as simply not to be overstressed. There are twinges in the other direction — there are ways that I used to use my mind that I don’t anymore — but they are relatively rare.

    • This is it, exactly. Is it cowardly to purchase peace at the expense of my pride in my work? I don’t know. I’m not sure how much I care, these days. :}

      • I think “what the work is” changes even if the medium stays the same. Maybe the struggle in middle age is to come to terms with what is still possible?

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