Revelatory Dreams.

So the last two weeks or so, I’ve been having seriously vexing/horrifying/anguished dreams. I don’t know why my subconscious is choosing now for this watershed, but here we are. I wake up and type them out on my phone, so I’ll have a record – and also because I know that little screen disturbs your sleep patterns, and I want to make ABSOLUTELY sure I don’t fall back into one of these dreams… especially the scary or awfully sad dreams. Shudder.

I’ve had several recently that deal with Ex… strange, he hasn’t been in my dreamscape for months and then all of a sudden, it’s our breakup again every night. lol Apparently, it’s time I dealt with some of the things I’ve been burying about that whole situation. One of the main themes that comes up again and again is validation. Validation, validation.

It was right. And now I’m beginning to understand viscerally (as well as cerebrally) some of the reasons it took me so long to break away, and some of the feelings I’ve not finished processing about those reasons.

Last night, I gave myself permission to surrender my guilt — both for wanting out, and for not being brave enough or strong enough to do it sooner. It’s not evil to ask for respect; and it’s not shameful to be afraid.

So in the middle of the night last night, I thought about the feelings, and why I feel them, and gave myself permission to experience them and then let them go. I thought about the crisp and yet serene flutter of bird wings carrying the feelings away. And I felt lighter, more free, than I have in years.

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6 thoughts on “Revelatory Dreams.

  1. It’s hard not to have those feelings of guilt, even when we know we are doing the right thing. I think it is hard for most of us to put our own well being first and we feel bad when we hurt another. I don’t know your situation but having left a very long marriage I also felt guilty and at the same time relieved and happy. My regret is not having done it years sooner mixed with regret for causing pain to my husband. I push those thoughts away but sometimes they wash over me. I am glad you are working through them and hope you find peace and sweeter dreams to come.

    • Thank you. I think when the marriage is a long one, it’s even harder. There’s so much shared history and there were so many good times… but it was right, and I also regret not having faced up to the situation sooner. :} Thanks for your comment, I appreciate your input. ❤

  2. in my life this often happens when I defy the universe by saying “I’m okay.” You made one of those “marking a watershed” posts recently so your subsconscious is possibly testing you to make sure you’re serious?

    • Ha! It might be. Well, if it is, it’s finding out that I was. :} Very serious. And I’m starting to get irritated at these dreams for making me dredge it all back up again. I mean, really. Ugh. Ok, brain, enough!!

      But yeah, I can see what you’re saying! There have been accelerating “aha” moments recently. :}

  3. Congratulations to you! What a great visual with the wings of the birds carrying your feelings away.

    I had a dream about my ex last week and I left him six years ago. It came out of nowhere or at least that’s how it seemed. I hadn’t seen him, talked about him, or any of the other ways I can think of that would have triggered it. Maybe you hit the nail on the head for me: Guilt! I’m feeling immersed in guilt lately and not completely sure why. Usually when I figure out why I am repeatedly having a similar dream it goes away.

    • Oh man! It’s good to know I’m not the only one getting the dreamscape ambush!! :} I have felt terribly guilty about this, but hopefully as I let it go, I can stop reliving all the reasons why *over and over*. lol I hope your ex-dream flies away too!!! xoxo

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