So, wow. I haven’t blogged in almost a full month, and it’s not for any bad reason. It’s because there’s been so much going on.
There’s a guy… kind of. Online guy. Far away. We’re not going past the “hey, I think you’re cool. We should meet up someday” stage right now, despite the fact that we’ve been talking for a while… and that’s just fine. Maybe sometime we will. I think I’d like that. We’ll see. :} In the meantime, it’s fun. He’s fun. And it’s undemanding, which is just perfect.
My job is… insufficiently lucrative, but I’m working at it nice and hard. So that’s good. I’m finally present enough to put in the kind of effort I haven’t been able to in a long time, and I’ve started protecting myself enough to put this effort into my own business and my own work instead of someone else’s (and then getting blamed for doing it wrong, or not enough, or whatever).
I have SO many ideas in my head right now that I’m having trouble finding enough time in the day for them all. For example, because money is tight, I’m learning how to budget properly for the first time EVER. I know. Hush. Some of us come late to the party. – I’m also elbows-deep in another idea for a complicated future project I’m starting to shepherd into… well. Not into life. Maybe into gestation. I’m still thinking it through. Not certain what it’s going to be yet. But the pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together, sort of, I think. – Meanwhile, I have workshops and seminars scheduled from here to three states from here almost every weekend from now until the end of June. And there are a million little line items I’m supposed to be taking care of, and I’m sure I’m dropping balls right left and center. Oy. I’m making lists like a fiend. We’ll see, at the and of the summer, how I did. :}
The reason I’m here typing tonight, when I had no intention to be doing any such thing, is this. I was reading a blog and a question came up and slapped me between the eyes. It’s something I need to think about, and I think best when writing. So, lucky you guys, you get to hear this through with me. The question was the second one here: it’s easy to define a “public” job title, certainly as it pertains to a job. As such a job description pertains to your life and the work you really want to be doing in your life, 1) Do you feel you’re doing that work? (my answer is yes) and if so: 2) What is your “secret” job title, the one no-one knows, but that you’re truly trying to live out day to day? Do you feel you’re living it, and if not, how can you live it more fully?
So, here goes.
My “public” job title, of course (or maybe not so “of course” if you didn’t know) is Dance Teacher. I joyously and gently shepherd teen-through-adult students into knowledge of ethnic dance forms. I am not the teacher who kicks your ass; I am the teacher who understands that you have a wonky knee and no sense of rhythm, and who will help you modify the movements or even just let you do your own free-spirited version of what the class is doing. I want to include you, to fold you into the experience, to let you exist in a space of less stress and more breath, and hopefully with a sense that you’ve been part of a community for an hour. That is my mission, my goal, and my pride.
A “secret” job title is harder to define. Although, now that I’ve typed that… it would read like the paragraph above and would be “Joy Facilitator”. Or maybe “Love Facilitator”. Ooh. There. I want people to feel more love. Not only romantic love, but also love for themselves, for other humans in general. Love as self-esteem and also as tenderness for their own flaws and errors and sins, both of omission and commission. I feel like everybody tries. And if you’re not trying, well, that’s probably the most you can do at that moment. Been there, done that, failed to launder the T-shirt.
Does that make sense?
Oh!! Speaking of laundry I didn’t do today… I’d better go do a load, before this Love Facilitator can’t facilitate underpants for tomorrow. :}
Love yourself, if you can. If you can’t do that… try to hate yourself a little less, or to have a little less fear. That is my wish for you tonight. ❤ Light a candle, pour a glass of wine, watch your favorite movie. Give yourself a hug (if you must, do it where nobody can see you). Dance a little happy dance at your favorite part, even if it’s the gory part. For me, it’d be the part where they FINALLY SMOOCH. Sigh. Awwww. xoxoxo