Not the worst hotel I’ve ever stayed in, but…

lol Well!! It’s a good thing this room is cheap, because palatial it ain’t. But!! I’ve stayed in worse. MUCH worse. The worst *ever* was on a high-school band trip: my friend and I got into our room and found what looked very much like a puddle of congealed blood on the floor. We just sat there and stared at it in horror until they moved us. UGH.

A close second would be the overnight hotel near JFK airport where there were hardcore porn channels interspersed freely with the regular channels – so it was “home repair show”, “meaty slapping flanks”, “90’s family sitcom”, “boom chikka wow wow”, “infomercial about closet storage”, etc – and you had to go out to the little bulletproof cage in the lobby to get the guy to “enable” the phone for you so you could order a pizza, because the only thing people usually used the phone for were 900 numbers. And it was sticky. EWWEWEWEW ewewwwwwwww. O.O  The bed was round and had a ceiling over it and the cover was… shall we say… inauspiciously spotty. We ordered a pizza and then I was afraid to eat it after touching the phone. lol We slept in our clothes after pushing the “duvet” off the bed with a stick and, the next morning, discovered that you had to step on, then jump off, the rickety toilet to get into the shower, because of how the glass shower door butted right up against the toilet. We just… didn’t.  😀

And, although I’m complaining, that was actually one of my favorite terrible hotels EVER. Worse than any hotel I ever stayed at in Egypt, or Morocco, or India, I think. This includes the aptly-named Moroccan “Casbah Asma” (asma really means beautiful or high-status, but all I could think of was asthma) where the sewer gas was so bad we could hardly sleep and I kept wheezing and gagging all night. Worse than the hotel in Morocco where there was a light switch behind the bed’s headboard, and if you moved the bed too sharply, you would turn the lights on and off. Get your minds out of the gutter; I had a cold, and I sneezed the lights on and off all night, and the bed was fastened down somehow, the bastards. lol Worse than the hotel in India with no lock on the door. Really. No lock. Just a string to tie the door shut. Worse than the horrible room in Tobago with the ear-molesting, gigantic mosquitos and the constantly-crowing rooster. About 4am, after he’d been crowing for 3 hrs straight, I had the most violent thoughts about that rooster that I think I’ve ever had about another living creature to date. But I digress.

So JFK hotel was really, really, REALLY bad, but it was only so bad because of my OCD. If I hadn’t been so horrified by the thought of sitting in a room literally splorked with… um… splork juice… I probably wouldn’t have thought it a bad room.

But as it was, it was completely outside my realm of experience. It was so NASTY!! It awed and amused me at once, while making me want to burn my clothes and get a complete round of vaccinations and antibiotics.

(cough) So. This one is much better than that. I’m not detecting Super Splorktasticity and the air conditioner is kind of working, we have travel size thingies of stuff (you can fill in the blanks there yourself, it’s like a mad-lib), and all I need are roommates!  😀

Teaching tomorrow, and a show. Happiness is!


3 thoughts on “Not the worst hotel I’ve ever stayed in, but…

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