Am sitting in my big green overstuffed chair under a pile of blankets and listening to the rain sheet down outside – it’s an early Spring thunderstorm, and welcome despite being a cold rain. The trees are budding, and I’m sure there are early crocuses and pansies and whatnot poking their heads up… normally I’d be sailing around in a fairly pleasant mood, as I tend to be a cheerful person rather than the opposite, but this year has been Not My Favorite so far, and I’m struggling to shake a weary malaise.
I’ve been thinking about why it should be this way this year, when normally I’ve no problem with my mood; and I realized yesterday that in 2013 I’ve forgotten (or been shaken out of) one of my own basic tenets: be grateful for what you have. Be content, inasmuch as you can, with what you have. And barring serious problems, you can almost always be content with what you have (is what I’ve thought in years past). For some reason, this year I have an itch to improve myself. To strive for more. And it is seriously messing up my serenity.
Is that a bad thing? I don’t know. Should I go back to sleep? Should I drug myself down, still the uneasy voices of my conscience and my doubt, and settle back into my poisoned bed?
SNORT. Oh, 5am overdramatic prose. What on earth would I do without you? DRAMA!! But that is pretty much how I feel about it now. Ruined. Poisoned. By doubt? By circumstance? Or in reality? I am afraid to question too deeply or I might find out, and then I can never, ever go back to sleep.
Hmmm. (whispers: *drama*)