I tried stopping one of my migraine meds last month – Topamax, because I suspect it’s actually *causing* headaches, albeit low-grade chronic headaches instead of huge skullbombs – but in the last week, I’ve had two (!!) classic migraines. The full treatment: blindness, nausea, pain, and sensitivity to light, sound, smells, and movement. Oh, joy. lol So this week, I’ve basically been eating junk food, which makes it worse, because I don’t have the energy for real food. I know. It makes no sense. However, there’s a creature comfort in caffeine-laden soda (OH CAFFEINE, I’ve missed you SO), potato chips, gluten-free pizza, apple crisp (OK, that’s kind of healthy: it’s got apples, oatmeal, and only 4 Tbps of sugar in the whole thing, so there), and Gummi Bears. Yeah. I know. There have actually been healthy meals, but as I spiral down through prodromes and postdromes, not to mention the actual events, I feel less and less like cooking, or cleaning up. I have two sinks full of dishes and have now taken to eating on paper towels so I don’t create any more dishes. :D I’m preferring to think of it as an energy-saving mechanism. (looking shifty)
So, it’s back to the doctor to see if any help can be found for the constant grinding headaches I’ve been having for months now. And back on the Topamax, much as I hate to say it. I am once again in the position of starting to lose hope if not fortitude; after several years of chronic migraines, two years without, and now another year+ with, well… experience indicates that the migraine-free years were the anomaly. I seem to be starting back down the long dark path that has characterized much of my adulthood. :}
The price of those two years without migraines was my marriage, in many ways I won’t delineate here; it’s too personal. However, I’m not eager to experience another such disjointing. It cost me my best friends and the person I had loved most in the world. I’m just starting to rebuild, here and now. I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, not floating away in some medication-induced zombie state from which I’ll awaken, a couple years on, and not recognize my life. No, thanks.
In the meantime, I woke up this morning at 7:30am with a blind spot and am now waiting out this migraine. Pretty soon the dog’s going to want a walk, and that won’t be a happy moment for Mama. He’s kind of fretting that this week has been so weird. Well, buddy, that makes for two of us. :( Poor little bean.